I Got a Bad Feeling About This
by Emerin
Summary: What did people see when they looked at me? At us? Best mates,naturally.Even when Remus and Peter and Evans came into the picture.In the end,it was always just the two of us.It was natural.What I'm feeling though...isn't xSLASH SiriusJames x


Hullo Gentle Readers!

heh, so I guess I'm NEVER gonna get around to my major stories :BIG sigh: to compensate, I drew more for my GRAVITY song edition series plus a nice picture of Jimmy andthe Comradesfrom Dunlap. Its mad cute. Of course, I made the other guys up on the spot, but it was pretty fun giving Jimmy's friends real character since they only show up once in chapter three of "In the blink of an eye" and aren't mentioned throughout my entire trilogy. SO sad. :huggles Jimmy: Anyways. This is anice anddramaticoneshot a plot bunny nipped me to write as I was listening to Taking Back Sunday. Forgive me if the lyrics aren't right. They worked for my story, so I'm going with that .I got another oneshot on the way, again Remus/Sirius, only from Remy's POV and lots more angsty called "Its All Your Fault", title pending, heh.

Well, enjoy and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!

* * *

_sad, small, sweet, so delicate  
used to be this dying breed_

I stared out at the forest, a bit of my black hair catching in the wind and flying across my face. Shivering, I pushed my scarf tighter round my neck and turned back around to watch the Gryffindor Quidditch team practicing. It was a shame I decided not to play this year. Well, not really. I knew I couldn't handle it and my parents would continue to brood over having nothing to brag about at their parties. So it all worked out.

Giving a sigh, I leaned back against the railing, wishing I had declined to tag along and stayed in the common room with Remus where there were chocolate frogs and a roaring fire. It was just too late in November to be just STANDING here. But here I was, watching the practice half-heartedly, spacing out mostly and gnawing my lip to a swollen pulp.

He looked good out there, messy hair going every which way and a broad grin set on his satisfied face. His quidditch robes clung to him selfishly and I pondered to myself whether he purposely bought EVERYTHING a size smaller just so people could think things like that. I wouldn't put it past him, the arrogant bastard.

I gave another sigh and decided that I really didn't feel like doing this to myself today. I'd had a bad week and this wasn't making it better. Hopping down the stadium seats, row by row, I was tempted to just let myself tumble down and hopefully crack my neck at the bottom. But that urge passed because I rather liked my neck and prefer it not broken and bloody. Stepping onto the crunchy grass, I gave a friendly parting wave to the members of the team before I started my lengthy trek back to the castle. I doggedly ignored the voice calling after me.

"Padfoot! OI! PADDY! WHERE YOU GOING?"

To hell, most likely.

_you kept still until the long drive home  
slept safe and close to the window_

The Gryffindor armchairs were by FAR the most superior in all of Hogwarts. Deep, squashy, inviting. It was like wrapping yourself in a dear lover's arms. If I knew what that felt like.

"Something wrong, Padfoot?"

I didn't bother to look up from the fire I was currently watching. He knew through some odd supernatural power what I was going to say."Nah."

"Just get back from seeing Prongs?"

I nodded and held back a grimace. What was there to be ashamed of? We were best friends, of COURSE I'd be hanging out with him.

"I see."

My grey eyes flickered over to that thoughtful face and narrowed." What's that supposed to mean?"

Remus looked startled and simply smiled warmly at me, waving his hand a bit." Oh, nothing."

"No. It was something. Now what do you mean 'I see'?"

"Well..."He said, looking to the side as he sorted out his words."You two are joined at the hip, so naturally, it doesn't come as a surprise that you'd weather such a horrible day outside to be with him."

An ugly feeling churned in my stomach and I sunk deeply into the armchair, trying to get that warm, safe feeling back.

Remus watched me with those piercing amber eyes of his. After a great silence, he nodded and returned to his book, but not before muttering again." I see."

_Well say I have to go; I could go on__  
to hell with you and all your friends  
to hell with you and all your friends_

The next day found me again at the pitch, but alone with _him_. He'd asked and I'd agreed, and Remus watched it all quietly from his bed, eyes screaming "I see".

What did he see, exactly? What did people see when they looked at me? At James? At me and James?

Best mates, of course. And thats usually it. I don't think anyone stopped to really mull over our tight-knit bond. We were...just ALWAYS together.Always had been, ever since we were lads.Even when Remus and Peter andEvans came into the picture, in the end, it was always just the two of us. It was natural.

Or was it? Was following James into the stupidest ideas imaginable, natural? Was trudging outside on a 25 degree day because James insisted, natural? Was wishing bad things on Lily Evans, natural?

Anyway I looked at it, I knew it wasn't. I wasn't just an overprotective friend or a watchful older brother or even a jealous classmate. It was..._more_...

"Alright there, Paddy?"

I nodded without thinking, because how many times had I heard that question in the past week alone? He turned his hazel eyes on me and before I knew it, his nose was touching mine and I could feel the wisps of his wayward hair brushing against my cheeks.

"Out with it. What's been bothering you? And don't say nothing, because I know something is. You've hardly spoken a word to anyone for almost a week."

Damn me for having clever friends. "Its nothing. _Really_, Prongs. I just don't feel well."

He frowned, backing up enough for me to breathe properly again. "Have you seen Pomfrey?"

I shook my head and turned to lean on the wooden railing just so I didn't have to look at his concerned face.

"What's wrong with you! If you're feeling ill, you need to go see her. Come then, I'll take you now."

"I'm not dying for pete's sake." I said irritably."I'll be fine.Just leave it alone."

"No. If its been affecting you to the point where even PETER knows something's wrong, it most certainly will not be 'left alone'."

"JUST LEAVE IT JAMES!"

We stared at eachother and the clouds of breath puffing from my heaving chest. Not bothering to wait for the uncomfortable silence to be broken or the look of shock to fade from his eyes, I pushed myself off the railing and flew down the staircase. This time, he didn't call out to me.

_its all sad, small, sugar and porcelain  
your skin and bones, i'm a nervous wreck_

Staring up at the canopy of my four-poster ,I listened as my dormmates mulled around in their morning routines as quietly as possible. I knew James had already left for the match a half hour ago, and usually I went with, but today I pretended to sleep in as I heard him hurry to dress and slip out.

Remus' tawny head poked inbetween the gap of the curtains and I had to admit,innocent concern looked good on him. He would make a great Dad."Coming, Sirius?"

Ah, using my name instead of the nickname James bestowed upon me. He knew me waaaay too well." Nah. Gonna just rest a bit."

"Good. I left some tea and sandwiches on your nightstand. Make sure to eat something, can't have you wasting away." He smiled and it warmed a little part of me to have such a caring friend. I felt bad for treating him so badly. It wasn't HIS fault James was an idiot and_ I _even more so.

"Thanks, Remy."

He grinned then disappeared, his feet shuffling quietly across the floor as he ushered Peter out the dorm.

I sighed to the empty room and shoved myself to the edge of the bed, pondering my options for a few minutes. Not wanting to be here when they got back and getting dragged into a victory party, I got up and gathered a few things in my bag before leaving as well.

_Slept safe and close to the window  
Well say I have to go, I could go on  
to hell with you  
...I got a bad feeling about this_

I gazed up at the open sky, hearing the screams of victory rolling over the rocks below to intrude on my solitude in the Astronomy Tower. I sighed and turned up the volume on my little radio, trying to let the tunes relax my tense body.

But it seemed useless. My thoughts continued to drift down to the match and the redhead that was most likely bouncing up and down in the strong arms of my best mate.

So that was it, I suppose. Were all revelations supposed to be this...unprofound? This BORING? Nothing at all had changed. Not even the twist in my gut had lessened. Infact, it only got worse. I thought truths were supposed to feel liberating, not suffocating. I was drowning in the pool of my own guilt and shame and something had to give before I cracked. Something. ANYTHING!

_anyone will do tonight  
close your mouth, just settle, settle_

"Oh bloody hell. Can't get a damn break, can I?"

I looked down from the bluish-grey sky to see a menacing and sneering face trained on my prone form. I blinked at such outright hostility. "Damn Snivellus, I didn't even humiliate you today and you're out for my blood."

Coal eyes glared at me heatedly as I sat up, "Leave."

I blinked again." Pardon? I must've had wind in my ears, because I know you didn't just order me about."

"There's wind in your HEAD, now LEAVE Black before I forcibly remove you."

I leaned back on my palms, welcoming the pleasant distraction from the hell that had become my life."What's the matter? Got a hot date?" At the strange pink rising in Snape's cheeks, I blanched and couldn't stop myself before laughter spilled from my lips."Oh MERLIN! You're KIDDING! Oh thats rich, just RICH! So who is it? Lucious Lucius, I bet."

"Shut up Black!" Snape seethed, the pink reaching the tip of his nose.

I cackled, holding my stomach." Oh Gods, they're not gonna believe this! I guess I won the bet, now didn't I?"

I was suddenly tackled to the ground, a trembling wand pressed to my throat and a hissing Severus Snape atop me." Tell anyone and I swear I'll KILL you!"

Staring up at the boy, I admit I felt sorry for him and some strange affinity to his plight. Chances were Malfoy had demanded their trysts be kept confidential, thus tormenting Snape to no end. Oh how he knew the torment of a best friend. "Ok ok. I won't tell a soul, living or otherwise."

Snape nodded, sitting up, his chest shuttering in the aftermath of his outburst. The silence was awful and I'd SO had my fill of awkward silences.

"Why aren't you down cheering on your boyfriend anyways, Black? Have a lover's tiff?"

Leave it to Snape to shatter any sort of kind feeling aimed in his direction."He's not my boyfriend. Though I'm sure you wish he was YOURS, by the jealous tone you just said that in."

Snape's eyes flashed. Ah, so predictable." I wouldn't touch Potter with a ten foot pole!"

I smirked coyly, "Arrogant, aren't we?"

Snape's ears went bright red and I had to stop myself from laughing. "You're absolutely insufferable!"

"Which is why you mounted me, eh?"

We both looked down and sure enough, Snape was still straddling my waist. He scrambled off seconds later and picked himself up, straightening his robes. With a sharp jab at the door, he demanded with a stern eye." Leave!"

_anyone will do tonight  
close your eyes, just settle, settle_

After giving up my precious sanctuary to some lewd Slytherin kink, I wandered the fifth floor before finding a nice window seat in a small roomless hallway. I was almost settled in when I heard footsteps closing in on my location.

"Bloody hell," I muttered, really not in the mood to deal with intruders. Snape used up all my patience. But just as I had stuffed my radio back in my bag, a cold voice stopped me short.

"Not necessary, Black."

A figure strode gracefully down the corridor towards me, and for some reason, I felt the need to stand my ground.

Lucius Malfoy smirked slowly and stopped infront of me, the edges of his robes brushing against my jean-clad thigh. The bright afternoon sunshine reflected off the porcelain skinshowing between the open top buttons and the white in his platinum hair. "I find myself surprised that a thank you is in order."

I frowned in suspicion, all too aware of the close proximity of the Slytherin's body to mine. "I don't need any thank yous from _you_."

"Oh, but I must show some sort of appreciation. It was a great thing you did for Severus and I. It would've been rather..._embarrassing_, had anyone found us out. I'm in your debt, love."

I sneered at the way he said 'love'. It was entirely vulgar and held dirty undertones. "I'd rather you NOT be."

"But, I insist. There must be _something_ I can do." He purred, leaning into my personal space.

I probably could've stopped him before it had happened, but my mind was weak with misery and his lips just felt too good. A hand slipped into the front of my trousers and I pushed into it with a grunt, enjoying the way his teeth would nip where his lips had just been on my neck.

A few good tugs and a skillful mouth doing sinful things to my collarbone and I lost myself to explosions. It was sick and perverse and painful but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

_Anyone will do tonight  
Close your mouth; just settle, settle_

"The hell!"

I stared in a sedated stupor at the horrified face of my best friend standing there, fists trembling at the sides of his muddy quidditch robes. Overcome with a wave of pain and spite, I fisted Malfoy's hair and brought my lips crashing onto his. The boy whimpered beneath my skill and I stole some sort of satisfaction of making the Great and Mighty Lucius Malfoy weak-kneed and breathless with a kiss _I_ administered.

_Anyone will do tonight  
Close your eyes; just settle, settle_

James' face was tight and dark as I did up my zipper and gave Malfoy a condescending peck before I sent him on his way, a whispered "your welcome" following after him.

_I'm coming over, but it never was enough_

"What the fuck was THAT!"

_i thought of you and my worst brings out the best in you_

I turned to my fuming friend with a look of indifference. I had no idea where I managed to find indifference when faced with the object of my agony. "A kiss, I believe. I'd hoped you know all about them by now."

"Don't be a smartass," James snapped and stomped over, leaving muddy prints in his wake. "Why were you kissing MALFOY? A BOY! And a _SLYTHERIN_ boy at that!"

I straightened myself out, throwing my bag over my shoulder and shot my dearest friend the coldest glare I could muster." I don't think thats any of your business."

I made to stride past him, the last of my wits and pride intact, when his hand shot out and grabbed me, shoving me painfully against the wall. My bag fell off my shoulder, the radio, sandwiches and comics spilling out across the dusty stone floor.

"What the hell has gotten into you! Of COURSE its my business! I'm your best friend! I worry about you dammit!"

Well, I couldn't exactly disagree with him. Regardless of how busy he was with Lily and school and his many fans, James always found time to spend with only me, and insisted on good, long chats.

"Look, I can accept the fact that you like boys, fine. Its not a big deal. But NOT Malfoy, ok? He's dangerous and cruel and he'll only break your heart." James said, his face close and brimming with concern.

I sighed and looked back at his probing hazel eyes."Okay."

James shrugged off his filthy robe and sweater, shoved off his gloves and I was wrapped in those arms. I sunk into the embrace without a second thought and felt fingers tangle in my long hair. I was tempted to cry but held the urge at bay, not wanting the last of my restraints to snap.

I felt worn thin, strained and feeling his warmth seeping through his thin shirt into me only made the pressure heavier. His musky scent mixed with wet earth wafted into my nose as beads of moisture slipped from the tips of his hair onto my cheek like teardrops. His arms tightened round my body and I felt a shutter course through his frame.Parted lips pressed against my jaw and a shuttered breath ghosted over my neck.

I tried to pull back but he kept me hugged close, almost desperately.

"I don't want you to get hurt. I can't stand it when you get hurt."

_i got a bad feeling about this_

"It kills me when I hear you crying so quietly in your bed at night. I can't comfort you. You won't let me comfort you."

_i got a bad feeling about this_

"Why won't you let me be here for you? Why don't you tell me when somethings wrong anymore? Why do you keep me at arms length?"

_i got a bad feeling about this_

"Sirius, please, answer me. PLEASE."

_i got a bad feeling about this_

"Say something!"

_i got a bad feeling about this_

I pulled away to stare at his torn expression and frustrated tears.

_i got a bad feeling about this_

His lips were soft and wet beneath mine and I pressed passionately, fiercely, against his delayed protests.Protests turned into grunts which turned into groans which tapered off into sighs. His hand gripped my hair painfully as he pinned my body between the wall and his own. I could feel his fist clutching at the back of my t-shirt, the rip deafening in the quiet corridor.

We parted, panting helplessly. He pressed his wet forehead against mine and kept his lips softly incontact with my own.

I stared into his honey-tinted eyes that were watching me so very carefully. I opened my lips to reply, to complain, to cry, but he silenced all words with a single searing kiss.

I was drowning still, but this time the water was warm and I found I could breathe if I only parted my lips.

James broke the kiss but kept our faces fractions away. A troubled look shadowed his expression but he seemed to accept it willingly. His finger traced my jaw lovingly and I leaned into it.

"You're inlove with me, aren't you Sirius."

I looked at him bravely, the tremble in my knees making me bold and reckless."Yes."

He pressed a hot, desperate kiss onto my lips that left me not only breathless, but hopelessly aroused. He pulled me impossibly closer, his own arousal digging into my thigh. I could feel his thoughts on my lips. He loved me, too.

I suppose I should've been jumping for joy or bawling my eyes out in relief, but instead I merely rocked my hips into him and let that be my response to his unspoken confession.

A smirk slowly made its way onto his lips and his hands began to dance shameless paths up and down my body.

And as our clothes joined the gloves and mud on the floor and gasps and sighs filled the hallway, James paused, looked into my eyes and grinned.

"I got a bad feeling about this."


End file.
